Empathy Means Getting in the Well

Sometimes People Need Empathy, not Solutions

As spouses, parents, friends, and leaders, we often begin with telling people what they must do to escape their well before we get into the well with them. This “fixing it first” mentality makes people feel as if you don’t understand their situation, creates resentment towards your attempts to solve their problems, and often causes them to completely ignore your offered solutions.

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Townsend makes us practice this attunement to others’ feelings through role play, asking what they are feeling and then empathizing with those feelings. We must allow ourselves to enter into the difficult or joyful feelings with another. People know that you have emotionally connected with them upon hearing things such as “I feel how bad that hurts” or “I am loving this feeling of joy you are in right now.” We should refrain from problem-solving until the person asks for it and instead, focus on being present in those emotions alongside them.

I have found that I am not naturally gifted at this relational skill. I must continuously practice this and ask for forgiveness often for resorting to my natural instinct of problem-solving before empathizing. The times in which I have succeeded have been endearing and rewarding moments when the person I was with felt loved and heard. For example, when my wife’s grandmother died, I found it much easier to hold my wife and cry with her instead of quoting comforting Bible passages to her against the fear of death. I really felt like I met her need and she affirmed my behavior. Our PacMoore family is working hard to find new ways to passionately grow our people so that we can be exceptional at feeding the world. We are learning to get into each other’s well. This fuels us to serve our customers with excellence in extrusion, blending, spray drying, and more.